I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
