I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
