Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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