I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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