apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
