If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
