Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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