so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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