This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
