I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
