He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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