I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
