You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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