Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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