I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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