I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
