hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
