The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
