she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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