My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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