I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize