She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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