HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
