The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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