She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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