sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
