Im at strip club and am horny
You're my little dorito
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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