I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
