All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize