your thong is hanging out like whoa
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
