his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bring me that man meat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
