what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
