You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
