do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
