He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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