SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
