i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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