Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
