Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
