Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you traded sex for a burrito?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
