can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
