I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize