dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
