oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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