I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
