My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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