Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize