If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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