@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I forget how to act sober
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
