I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
