In the future we'll all be gay
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
