Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
