sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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