she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so let's talk penis.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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