Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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