all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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