is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize