Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
