I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
