Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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