Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
