I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize