What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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