He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
