Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
