Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
