do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
