Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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