i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In America we eat man semen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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