We're facebook friends in real life
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
