i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize