I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
