If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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