the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
