if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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