tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
