Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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