I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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