Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
