I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
