if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize