do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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