I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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