The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
