I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
