My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
