1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize