drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
