My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
