I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
