i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
