I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
