not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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