yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
