I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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