I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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