there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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