Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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