just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
