Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were trust falling into bushes
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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