I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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